So I'm a big nut. I should be writing my paper. But it isn't going to be that hard. I have the thing all mapped out in my head. (Bad Idea)

I did a little bit of the spring(okay maybe middle summer) cleaning of the

"buddy list." I figured that if people don't make an effort to talk to me, when the hell should I try to talk to them. Very logical. I don't have to waste my time...I could be doing something much more productive...like...sitting here. Doing nothing.

If there are just people on my "buddy list" I'll waste time looking at their away messages. Just cause that's I like to do. But now that I have no need to look at their away messages except to let time slip through my hands, whats the point of having them on the "BUDDY LIST."

I feel the same about buddy list as I do about buddy icon. And if you forget, go here: Click.

I think thats it anyway.

I'm such a loooooooser. I'm listening to Yanni, and YES I ENJOY Yanni. I don't care what you stupid fuckers think, Yanni is really good. Blah blah blah, I'm not listening to you bad mouth him and say that I'm a dork....and I'm looking out my window at stuff. Just trees and the field and crap, and I'm beginning to feel very calm and I kind of enjoy life. At least for a bit.

We'll see how long it lasts this time. You know, its one of those things where when someone begins to appreciate life something chaotic happens and you're all disoriented because you weren't prepared...and you land on your hip and then it takes you some time to figure out what you're going to do.

My mind blanked out for a moment. I went from ghost busters to taking a bath, to my stomach hurting to cheese. I do that, I'm sorry.

I am going to use my bike to go to class tomorrow. You watch!! That means (in my superficial terms) I have to take a shower tonight, shave, and somehow curl my hair with only bobby pins and this special thing I like to call "sleep." I'm getting my test back, which is so exciting I could piss myself. Not really. Its actually scary. I hope I did really well. I need to ask my dad for money, and the only way I can do that is if I scored really REALLY well on my test.

please please please please god....

I know. I'm one big-boned hypocrite. Hypocrite, written ALL over my face. But if you REALLY think about it, its only religion that I'm hypocritical about. If I call someone on something, I always tell them I understand that I act the same way too. And it pisses them off because they can't be like "you're a hypocrite." This is what I figure:

Make fun of yourself; bad mouth yourself, before someone else has the pleasure in doing it.

Really, that's the only thing that has kept me alive thus far. I just said thus. Freak. But its so true. If you call yourself, a fat, lard-assed fucker who bitches to people about how come she can't eat yummy pastries all day...then no one else can do it!

But the key is to do it just enough that you're not flat out degrading yourself or making other people feel uncomfortable. I laught at my stupidity, but I don't feel bad about it.

And I can prance around saying stuff like "I like cheese, la la la." and people will be like "that annoying girl" or "that weird idiotic freak" or something like that. Which is fine, because I understand that I'm both of those things put together. Unless I know you/care about you. Them peoples know that I can be very calm and serious when I need to be.

And I guess it pisses some people off that I do that, and they start to question why people like me and crap like that.

Whatever. I stink and I need to clense my dirty soul.

~Lobster smelling Maggie

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